My Journey.

Where My Story Began.

I started working extremely hard from a very young age. I had this idea that there was this magical point in the future where I would have worked enough and would then let myself start living.

By age 30 I had done all the things society had told me would make me successful and happy.

With degrees in both medicine and neuroscience, I was working as an anaesthetist, having passed all exams to become a consultant barely dropping a mark. I’d bought a house in London and was in a relationship, with a dog, talking about marriage and children. 

The Breakdown.

But instead of happy, I felt completely overwhelmed every second of the day. I began to cut everything out of life that I could, to get more time to keep up. I stopped speaking to friends and family and gave myself 3-4 hours of sleep a night.  

This behaviour led to a diagnosis of ADHD. I partly believed the diagnosis, but mainly just wanted the medication. At first it gave me laser sharp focus, but I didn’t realise it had also turned me into a complete robot. I hadn’t seen friends for a long time, but now I became disinterested in my partner too. After a few weeks the increased focus faded, and I soon found myself taking above the maximum dose with caffeine on top just to maintain my previous ‘slow’ pace.

Awareness of my partner returned, and I realised my relationship was really breaking down. Panicked, it became my full time job to try and save it.

The harder I tried the worse things got until the relationship ended. 

This was the start of 2.5 years of intense depression.

I had felt burnt out at work for a long time, but without the relationship to distract me shifts became unbearable. I would cry on my way to work, managing to brush away the tears just in time for no-one to notice. I ate my lunch in the toilets to minimise the amount of time I had to pretend I was ok. Despite how low I was, it felt impossible to call in sick. Staffing levels are so low you know your colleagues will really suffer without you - the healthcare system depends on this guilt to keep running.

The Dive Within.

I would not stop, so I was stopped. The roof of my house fell in. Literally.

Little did I know I would never go back to work at the hospital.

I would lie on the floor with no idea what to do with myself. At least when I was going into work I was helping people. Now what was the point in me?

I started desperately researching how to feel better.

First was learning how to sleep and eat, things you might expect to be on the medical school curriculum. I came off the ADHD medication and caffeine. I started getting sunlight in my eyes as soon as I woke up, then went to the sauna and cold outdoor lido every morning where I would hope to maybe speak to someone in the changing rooms - my only interaction with another human all day.

What did help was helping others again.

In my desperation to get well I had consumed an incredible amount of research on sleep, nutrition, circadian health, nervous system alignment, emotional health and was now passionate about spreading this information that I believe everyone should know. Starting to help others in this was was the first small relief I got from the way I was feeling.

However my life had quickly turned into a protocol.

Testing, supplements, tinctures, hormone replacement therapy, new skincare, haircare, cleaning products, cookware, a water filter, an air filter, mold testing. I didn’t want to speak to friends. I couldn’t deal with washing dishes or even loading the dishwasher so I put them in the fridge.

This routine went on for months until I couldn’t stand it anymore, something had to change, and I found myself on a flight to Costa Rica. I ended up in a jungle beach town that completely changed the way I thought about everything in life.

The Turning Point.

And from all of the above, this is how I eventually realised:

• My life didn’t have to be the way society told me. All the rules were made up to keep me in fear and survival mode. I had been in a constant state of fight or flight my whole life that was making me sick

• Our bodies are far more intelligent than any pharmaceutical 

• Symptoms are information that our body is trying to communicate with us

• We can get information from our bodies and we have an inner knowing 

• We are all born spiritual with spiritual awareness but it is educated out of us.

• We are souls that have chosen to incarnate into human bodies to be able to experience the exact range of human experience that is required to grow and transcend the conditioning we have come here to transcend.

• We are all guided, supported and held by the universe/source. There is a bigger plan. 

• Everything that is happening is happening for us.

• Not having a menstrual cycle since I was 18 was a sign of significant dysregulation in my body and life force energy. A sign of being disconnected from my body, my intuition and my power.

• The root cause of physical disease has a very large contribution from a feeling that is suppressed in the body, that is stored as stuck energy that if left like this for years manifests in the physical body as a chronic disease.

The Other Side.

I began working with the emotions stored in my body.

I started working regularly with incredible practitioners at accessing and allowing myself to feel the emotions that I had been suppressing my whole life. I experienced what it was like to live in community, and made deep connections. After 2 years something shifted. I started to experience safety in my body and I got my period for the first time in 14 years.

I noticed a rapid increase in my capacity to do things in the world.

I felt excited and ready to serve in a deeper, more aligned way, which is how this program was born.

I realise now that the depression was the best thing to ever happen to me. It was the necessary precursor to waking up.